ADHD is said to be invisible, and for many, that invisibility lasts well into adulthood. Unless specifically pursued, most doctors and therapists receive little to no training in diagnosing and treating ADHD—especially in adults. Really? Yes. This is unfortunately true. I had many therapists throughout my life and nobody ever mentioned ADHD. I now know how common this is.
Many adults only find out they have ADHD by accident.
One of the most common ways women are diagnosed is when one of their children receives an ADHD diagnosis. As she learns about ADHD to support her child, she begins to recognize the same patterns in herself. But for many, the journey to diagnosis is far more complicated.
Misdiagnosis and Missed Diagnosis
At least 60% of people diagnosed with ADHD have been previously diagnosed with something else—sometimes multiple other conditions—including:
Anxiety
Depression
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Suicidal Ideation or Behavior
Substance Abuse
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Learning Disabilities
Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) traits
General behavior problems
For girls and women, the rate of misdiagnosis is even higher. Girls are often more socially aware and develop coping strategies that mask their symptoms. Instead of obvious hyperactivity, their ADHD may present as:
Daydreaming
Forgetting assignments and chores
Missing social cues
Sleep difficulties
Talking excessively
Being labeled as “too sensitive” or “too emotional”
The Gender Bias in ADHD Diagnosis
For decades, ADHD research focused primarily on hyperactive boys, reinforcing the stereotype that ADHD looks like a child bouncing off the walls. As a result, doctors, therapists, teachers, and even parents often miss ADHD in girls, who may appear quiet, well-behaved, or simply "daydreamy." It wasn’t until recent years that research started to focus on how ADHD manifests in women, revealing how underdiagnosed and misunderstood it has been.
Coping Skills That Can Mask ADHD
Before diagnosis, many ADHDers unknowingly create coping mechanisms that help them get by, often at great personal cost. These strategies can mask ADHD symptoms and delay diagnosis:
Creating a structured environment
Using planners and reminders
Seeking out supportive communities
Spending time with animals
Becoming self-employed to control work conditions
Using creativity as a tool for focus and motivation
Exercising to manage energy and emotions
Fidgeting for focus
Eating in ways that stabilize mood and energy
Prioritizing self-care and fun
Living a minimalist lifestyle to reduce overwhelm
Ensuring enough sleep
The Emotional Impact of Late Diagnosis
When ADHD is missed, people are left struggling with challenges they can’t explain. They may:
Feel worthless or fundamentally flawed
Experience suicidal thoughts due to feeling broken or hopeless
Struggle with low self-esteem from years of unrecognized struggles
Wonder, Why can others function and I can’t?
Feel alone and misunderstood
For many, hope comes through understanding ADHD—realizing that their challenges weren’t due to laziness, lack of willpower, or a personal failing, but rather an unrecognized neurotype that operates differently.
Finding Hope and Moving Forward
Your ADHD shows up like nobody else’s, and the path to self-acceptance is uniquely yours. Healing begins with:
Self-compassion—recognizing that you were doing the best you could with the information and support you had
Self-acceptance—understanding that ADHD is not a character flaw but a different way of thinking and being
Connecting with others—joining support groups, attending workshops, and spending time with people who get it
Giving yourself grace—learning strategies at your own pace and adapting them to work with your brain
When ADHDers find the right fit, they can thrive in ways that others can’t. Some experts estimate that as many as 4-15% of people have ADHD, many of whom will never be diagnosed. But diagnosis or not, ADHDers deserve understanding, support, and the chance to live in a way that honors their natural strengths.
If you’ve ever felt alone in your struggles, know this: you are not broken, and you are not alone.
The Role of Support Systems
Some individuals were fortunate to have a supportive environment growing up, where their strengths were recognized and nurtured. When ADHDers find a good fit—whether in work, school, or social settings—they can thrive and even excel beyond neurotypical peers. However, without this support, many struggle in silence.
Finding Hope Through Understanding ADHD
If you’ve ever felt alone, flawed, or like no one understands, know that you are not broken. ADHD affects each person differently, and the key to thriving is self-compassion, self-acceptance, and finding a community that gets it. Support groups, workshops, and shared activities can help you feel seen and understood.
Give yourself grace to learn strategies that work for your unique brain—at your own pace. The journey to understanding ADHD isn’t about fixing yourself; it’s about embracing who you are and finding ways to work with your brain, not against it.
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