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Late Diagnosis ADHD


Late Diagnosis: Relief to grief and back again


When a new acquaintance and I were taking a walk, I listened to her story about her children being diagnosed with ADHD. She told me about her son’s diagnosis and that her daughter might also have ADHD.


Without an ADHD lens, it was clear that her kids had emotional and behavioral challenges, so I wasn’t surprised.


Women often find out about their ADHD when children are diagnosed


Like many other women, she was starting to notice traits in herself that might also point to ADHD: disorganization, low motivation, anxiety, difficulty keeping track of schedules, and challenges with completing tasks. But she was questioning the idea, wondering if these symptoms might be a result of the trauma she was experiencing as she went through a divorce.


Disorganization was a sign of ADHD I didn't recognize
Disorganization was a sign of ADHD I didn't recognize

I was intrigued. As she described her life, I resonated deeply with the signs and symptoms of ADHD—more than I ever had with anyone else’s story.


I had to know more!


She loaned me a book, and I plowed through it.


I also dove into YouTube, Facebook groups, and anything I could find about ADHD.


I was determined to uncover a list of symptoms to see if I related to more of them. At first the lists I found didn’t entirely fit. But as I continued my search, I discovered more and more nuanced descriptions that resonated, and I began compiling a list of my own. “Click here to read about the signs of ADHD I discovered.”


Finally, I decided to talk to my doctor and made an appointment. With my list in hand, I shared what I’d learned, and she agreed that my experiences aligned with ADHD. She prescribed Adderall to try and referred me to a psychiatrist in her office. After a thorough evaluation, the psychiatrist confirmed the diagnosis. In fact, three professionals—my doctor, the psychiatrist, and a student psychiatrist—all concluded that I have ADHD.


Feelings of relief and grief

I felt lost, stunned, and confused at how I could have been missed
I felt lost, stunned, and confused at how I could have been missed

I felt immense relief that there was finally a reason for my lifelong challenges.

Almost immediately, though, I was overwhelmed by grief. I felt lost and forgotten.


How had I been missed by teachers, therapists, doctors, and even my parents?


Women and Girls often have different signs and symptoms


Women and girls ADHD often goes unnoticed
Women and girls ADHD often goes unnoticed

I soon learned that girls and women have often been overlooked or misdiagnosed because ADHD has historically been seen as a condition affecting young boys. This realization was painful.


What could my life have been like if I had known earlier?


What might I have achieved with the right support?


I was mad. I was sad. I was devastated.


I found hope


But amidst the grief, there was a glimmer of hope.


As I continued to learn about ADHD, I found support online, and met others with ADHD in a course called Simply ADHD through ADDCA. I no longer felt alone and gained tools to work with my brain rather than against it.


Understanding my ADHD gave me clarity and a path forward. Though I mourned the lost opportunities, I began to focus on how to move forward with this new lens of understanding and self-compassion.


Have you experienced similar emotions after a late diagnosis? You’re not alone. Share your story in the comments, or explore more about navigating ADHD and self-acceptance.



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